Accept people for who they are…

Douglas Silas,
Specialist SEN Solicitor
20th December 2021

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This is my last SEN Update for this (chronological) year - I will write again in a few weeks.

In this week's SEN Update, you will find sections entitled:
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• THOUGHT OF THE WEEK
• NEWS ONLINE
• SEN NEWS​

​I know how busy everyone always is, so please feel free just to read the sections that are of interest to you or read everything; the choice is always yours.

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK
​You have to always just accept people for who they are.

We must remember that people always seem to remember people as they were, not as they are. This is particularly noticeable with parents who still treat their grown up children as small children, even when these children are now in their 30s, 40s or 50s! This idea is very important at this time of year, as we may be coming into contact  again with people who we have not seen for a while.

This is also why, at school reunions, much older and wiser people often still go back to how they were at school previously with the same dynamics happening, even though it is many years later, and a lot has happened to change them since. This is because they have not seen each other since then and realised that they have changed.

It is very hard for us to sometimes accept people for who they may be now, especially in family dynamics. This is commonly noticed when you hear people use phrases like: “They were always like that” or “They never did that”. Remember, people like to say that you can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family. 

Let me develop this idea further here. 

Parents (generation 1) of older children (generation 2), now adults, who may even now have grown up children of their own (generation 3), often still view them as they were before they left home. This first generation somehow becomes stuck in a time warp and treat the second generation as they were previously, as they have not seen them grow up since (even if seeing them regularly in the interim). 

It is also a little bit more than this though. Unfortunately, some people are also negative and will always remain negative, no matter what you do and how positive you are with them. It is as if they want to remain negative, perhaps because they feel safe and secure like this.  

Ironically, no matter how hard you try to change them, you usually are just wasting your time and energy as, rather than you making them more positive, they will usually end up dragging you down, rather than you dragging them up! Some people will fill you with energy when you are with them by being positive, but negative people will just sap you of energy when you are with them. 

You therefore need to recognise this and have to sometimes cut negative people out of your life as much as possible, as hard as it can be, although, with family in particular, you have to remember that it is always better to have a cool peace rather than a hot war. 

And, whilst I think that you should accept people as they are, somewhat counterintuitively (almost contradictorily), I think that you should still try to be positive with negative people, or at least recognise these kinds of people, so you can try to avoid them. You also need to remember that people also have to accept you for who you are too sometimes, as you may not always be at your best.  

Finally, it also works with the other way round, as you have to remember that other people may now be very different to how you remember them from a younger time in your and their lives. They have probably also been through many experiences since then, so you need to accept them as they are and not not try to change them into who you want them to be.

So, as we now break for the winter holidays for the next couple of weeks, try to hold in your head some of what I have said, if you can - it is so simple when you think about it, if you accept people above for who they are, they will probably accept you for who you are!

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NEWS ONLINE
In terms of news, here are the articles that I found of interest this week:

Omicron: Schools prepared if Covid forces online move next term
Omicron leads many UK schools to close early for Christmas
Persistent Covid-related absence leaves pupils lagging – Ofsted

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SEN NEWS
Again, aside from clicking on the relevant links for more information, I would also remind you of the very useful resources and information provided on the following websites:
 
- IPSEA
- Council for Disabled Children
- Special Needs Jungle

I would also highlight again the magazines: SEN Magazine and Autism Eye which are both very helpful to any parents or professionals involved with children/young people with SEN.
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Keep safe until the new year!

With best wishes
 
Douglas

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